Meeting Barb

My Trich got really bad in March.  I was at a desperate point of needing to seek professional help again.  I had given the psychiatrist route a go once before, but at the steep price, and lack of results, I abandoned ship.  I googled some potential options close to my house, and came across one facility that was of interest.  When I phoned the number, a lovely receptionist who I could tell was around my age answered the phone.  I assume these people hear some crazy stuff, considering where they work, but when you have to tell someone around your age that you pull out your own hair, you feel much crazier & self conscious.  I hesitatingly explained that I have trich and immediately she replied "I will put you in to see Barb!'.

Nothing makes you feel more crazy then needing to see a Psychiatrist or Therapist.  There is such a stigma attached to it, you never say to someone "I have an appointment with my therapist". I say it to my husband, my parents, my brothers, but they know my struggle and see it as a positive, not a negative. For most, it sounds out of a movie and like real people don't do it, so saying it out loud is not an option.

The first time I met Barb was a warm afternoon in early April.  In order to get to know me, she goes through a lengthy questionnaire about my life, my family, my job, hobbies, etc.  Immediately I liked her nature, you could tell she was caring, and warm.  Half way through our meeting, when discussing some of my anxieties, she opened up to me about suffering from panic disorder, and that was sort of a game changer for me.

I don't think people who don't suffer from any mental illness can really understand what it is like.  It is irrational & overwhelming at most points, but having someone who has suffered them self, feels less like they are judging you, and more like they are really trying to help and like they want you to get past it as much as you do.

On our second and third visits, we really laid out every OCD and anxiety I battle, in hopes of relating them back to my trich.  We have been doing some trial and error on some behavioural changes for my trich, which I will touch on in a later post, as well as digging into other obsessions and anxieties.

This past session, #4, could be the most effective to date when we dove into my struggles of over eating. The short of it is, I cannot resist that urge to continue eating.  After diving into how I had success shedding 40lbs & resisting those urges to overeat during that time, and explaining that blogging my daily achievements and findings was a major part of it, a light bulb clicked.  What if I did a blog, talking about trich, my hair pulling, my daily successes or failures?  Maybe this could be the turning point in my recovery, where I begin to see patterns and can crack down on the root of my trich.

So here we are.  That is how this blog idea came to life, in a little office in Burlington, Ontario.  I wanted to introduce Barb for a couple reason.  Mostly to give credit for kickstarting my blogging attempt & so when I say 'barb' in a post you will know who she is but most importantly, so everyone knows

I see a therpist (...That's sort of out loud right?)