That day feels like it was yesterday, 13 year old me, with no control over what is about to happen & just hoping I didn't die. Clearly we didn't die, we were totally fine & my parents came to get us and really it was no big deal but that really was the turning point for my control issues.
The habits I have now formed when being a passenger in the car relate to that day & to my mothers passenger nerves. As I discussed here , my mom has a lot of anxieties & OCD's that I have inherited and this is a major one. It wasn't until I began driving & began being a passenger in my friends vehicle, that I realized the depth of this issue.
The reality is, when I am in a vehicle and not driving, I cannot hold back any thoughts that come to my mind. Following to closely? You will hear it. Awful lane change? You will know. Speeding excessively? I will tell you before a cop gets the chance to. Whatever the situation is, I can't not tell you when I feel like you are driving badly or dangerously.
Hubby is the main 'beneficiary' of my attacks, since we drive together the most. I hate this habit because it is one of the few times him & I actually fight. We have screaming matches in the car because I can't shut my mouth. I have to say I have gotten 100 times better than I used to be, really going over in my head if it is worth vocalizing my thought but it still happens. I like to think I am responsible for saving our lives 2-3 times, the rest he had the situation under control.
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| Hubby demonstrating his stellar driving skills |
Now back to my mom & the inheritance of this issue. I have been lucky enough to have my own vehicle from a young age, so the amount of driving I had to do with my mom & for my mom was quite minimal, but there are those times when I will drive her around and it is clear to me where my vocal passenger syndrome came from.
She checks your blind spot, she yells when brake lights come on ahead, she has to comment on your speed, she gasps...at everything, the list is endless. She is way worse then me when it comes to this, since I now have somewhat of a control on this issue but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree on this one. When I was growing up I spent a lot of time in the car with my parents, driving to and from my brothers hockey games, so I think that is when it began getting ingrained because even I have moments where I was like "whoa. that was my mother" when I say something to hubby in the car.
The car is the only place I generally would have full-on panic attacks. If we come close to hitting someone, or the weather is bed, my body goes into full anxiety mode, and will linger with me for a very long time. If we come close to say rear-ending someone, I will not be able to breathe properly until we are out of the car, or about half hour, whichever comes sooner, and then that moment replays in my mind for quite some time. It was in the car that I really began to recognize my anxiety, the feelings associated with it & my issues that I did have.
It all comes down to being a control freak in the car. When I am in the drivers seat, I have no problems, since I am in control, but put me in the passenger seat & I lose all control (physically & mentally). I think between the behaviours I inherited from so many years in the car with my mom, partnered with that ditch incident where the 'control' was out of my hands, I have turned into the definition of nervous passengers.
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