Pull vs. Break

I go through phases with my trich.  Sometimes my fad of the month is pulling, other times it is breaking.

For the last little while, it has been breaking, and eff, is my hair taking a toll.  Around ear level of my head, you can see a distinct line of broken hairs & the top of my head has an insane amount of what most people would consider to be 'fly aways', but are actually breaks.

Let me give you a little background on how the habit works:  when my hands are left with nothing to do, they immediately revert to my head.  It always innocently begins with running my fingers through my hair, then I proceed to find a single stand of hair, and run it through my thumb nail & the edge of my index finger (see below for the lovely callus' I have developed from doing this so much).  A distinct sound runs through my head of my nail running along the strand of hair, then it always end with the sound of a break, or the sound of a pull.  Yes...they have their own sounds too.

Callus on my index finger

For me, my goal is always a break versus a pull. My thought is even if I break the hair,at least the root is still in my head and I won't be bald.  It is a difficult process to explain to people who don't have trich, but basically when I run my fingers along a strand, the end result is either a break or a pull. 

Below gives you an idea of what a 'break' looks like.  It is a very small piece of hair, usually less than an inch, that comes off the end of a piece of hair, that thankfully has remained in my head.   Succcess!  (Except when I do 95 a day! sh*t!)

Hair "Breaks"

Below is more what a "pull" looks like. It is generally a longer strand of hair, unless I have yanked a fresh growth piece from the top, and I feel some serious 'remorse' after every pull.  Yesterday, I felt this feeling 70 times. 

Hair "Pull"

When I talk about the other kind of breaking - a "pull break" -  I am referring to my habit of taking a 'pull' and in a systematic way, stringing it through 2 of my fingers and breaking it into a smaller piece, then doing this for as long as possible until I feel it is broken to its full potential. 

This entire process - from the initial touch to the final break - is quite thoughtless, and is done in an almost robotic way.  This is why yesterday's achievement of only 3 breaks is off the charts.  On Monday, I would have broken those 70 hairs further to make anywhere from 140-200 pieces of smaller hairs.  Yesterday, to only have done it 3 times, is such a step for me.  I am beginning to bring awareness to myself, fight my urges & break the habit.

This should hopefully help you understand the difference between a break and a pull, then the "pull break".  A wee bit confusing, but in my mind, I have no other way of calling them or explaining them.  I am hoping the "pull break" is quickly going to become a thing of the past, with the other 2 to follow!